Yoga and Body Image

Dove pose at the Georgetown Waterfront, Washington, DC. Photo Andrea Lynn Taylor.

On Monday, I went on a little photo adventure with a few of my yoga babes, including photographer Andrea. We galavanted along the Georgetown waterfront, popping into our most show-off-y poses when we found a patch of good light, trading tales of yoga party tricks and generally enjoying each other's company.

Beth, Alli and I rounded out our evening with a visit to Good Stuff Eatery where we (decked out in yoga garb) went to town on burgers, fries and beers.

It's been a few days since Andrea posted this "sneak peek" shot from our evening together. I have to admit, it is still hard to believe that I'M the person in the picture. This girl seems so serene, poised and most of all, thin.  How could that be me?

For reference, a "before"  picture. 

I've never considered myself a thin person. There were even times when I felt my body veer over the edge of "normal" to "chubby" or "plump", particularly when I saw my weight come within a burger or two of 200 lbs. Luckily, I was raised well enough to know that I have more to offer than my looks. I always assumed that I could simply make up for the extra pounds by being sufficiently smart, funny or interesting. But make no mistake, I did feel that my weight was something I needed to make up for. Clothes shopping was a mixed bag because some items would fit fine, some would make me look like an overstuffed sausage casing. In the latter case, whenever something hugged me in all of the wrong places, it was my body's fault for how crappy things looked. Not the clothing manufacturer, not the designer, not a simple case of a bad fit: I was chubby and so it was my fault when clothing didn't look good. Though I paid attention to what I ate and tended to veer towards healthier options, I had a pretty sedentary lifestyle. I would probably only exercise a couple times a week, never in a strenuous manner.

I want to be very clear about something: my experience is not unique. Every girl (and many full-grown women) I've known has body image issues. It's utterly depressing and unhealthy and a great argument for Feminism (not that men don't sometimes have the same issues) that girls are trained to judge their bodies so harshly that it's nearly impossible to escape adolescence without insecurity.

Starting near the end of 2012, I had a health crisis that caused me to rethink everything in my life. I moved from Portland, OR to my hometown of Arlington, VA. I wanted to make sure that allergies weren't making me sick, so I started an elimination diet, removing all gluten, soy, grains of any kind, sugar, dairy, legumes and caffeine from my diet. For all of my hang-wringing and fussing over ingredients, I didn't feel any better. So I made my diet slightly less restrictive, sticking to the tenets of the Paleo diet, which allowed me to re-introduce natural sugars (such as honey and maple syrup), but not much else. My experiment with these diets lasted a little over 3 months. I lost about 40 lbs, but I was still sick.

At the same time, I started going to yoga on a regular basis. My friend Abbi brought me to Tranquil Space, which I came to love. At first, I went a couple times a week. Then, 3-4. Eventually, I started working at the front desk. This summer, I completed Level 1 Teacher Training, a four-day intensive program that gave me the tools I needed to start teaching yoga. Since training, I do some form of yoga almost every every day.

Now I'm paleo-ish. I eat mostly gluten-free but don't freak out about ingredients much (especially when out at restaurants). If someone offers me a gluten & sugar-full cookie, I'll probably take it. But everything I cook for myself at home is soy, dairy & gluten free.

All of this is to say: I didn't always look this way. Looking like this definitely has its benefits: a lot more male interest, clothes fit better (not my old ones, of course!) and I'm more comfortable in my skin. However, I'd argue that the most important benefits of my "yoga body" are the things it can do.

Things like arm balances, where I trust my hands to carry the weight of my whole body:

Bakasana (Crow Pose) with Alli, Washington, DC. Photo by Andrea Lynn Taylor.

Or chaturanga dandasana a pose that every Vinyasa Yoga class does at least 10 times, but I couldn't manage until I'd been practicing for months:

Chaturanga Dandasana with Beth and Alli, Georgetown Alleyway, Washington, DC. Photo by Andrea Lynn Taylor.

Yes, of course I'm happy that I can wear head to toe spandex and walk around in public with confidence. Of course I love seeing pictures of myself and no longer fretting over my lumpy stomach or chubby arms. But if you asked me what the best thing that came of my (continuing) struggle with illness was, it wouldn't be the weight I lost. It is the knowledge that even though my body often fails me, I can always return to yoga and be reminded that I am powerful. 

XO,
KCZ